Renault Grand Scenic 1.4 TCe (2009) CAR review

And what about the poor bloke who has to drive, with a stick of celery in each ear to neutralise the din coming from astern?

He does just fine. The seat’s entirely comfortable, and now sports an elaborate, winged headrest to cosset the bonce in the manner of an over-amorous Dover sole, ensuring the head doesn’t loll embarrassingly if you nod off behind the wheel.

Ample steering reach and rake adjustment gang up with 70mm seat height adjustment to guarantee a fine driving position for all. Sit as low as I like to, however, and the top edge of the dashtop, fresh-scalpel-wound instrument binnacle begins to impair the view ahead. This is pity because, whilst Citroen focuses on modelling their MPV windscreen glazing on a succession of World War II bombers, Renault has gone the other way; the screen’s both perceptibly wider and taller than its predecessor, and the view out exemplary, even through bends.

It is worth mentioning, however, that the clap-hands windscreen wipers have come over all Jeremy Beadle. The passenger side wiper is tiny by comparison to its sibling, and leaves too much of the upper glazing untrammelled. Let’s hope the wipers are properly handed in right-hard drive conversion.

Oh and, whilst we’re on that subject, Renault has contrived to place the electronic handbrake switch where you can’t actually reach it without clumsy circumnavigation of the gear lever. However, because this panel won’t be handed for the UK, the French have inadvertently contrived something of a first here; a right-hand drive conversion that actually benefits Blighty. Wonders, etc…

So much for accommodation. You mentioned styling….

Not, in truth, quite so keen. Externally, the pronounced, Grenadier Guard’s busby chin-strap that hallmarks new Megane is all but residual here, and I can’t help feeling the bows would look a little more purposeful with the grille - currently looking ready to receive a barbeque sausage - properly blacked-out. In profile, the eye is drawn nowhere but to a boomerang tail lamp cluster which, interestingly, is far more prominent when viewed from dead astern.

Styling the hind quarters of a car is infinitely harder than bonnet blister and headlamp housing horse-play, and it’s a pity that, having done such a spiffing job of the previous Megane range - including the Scenic - Renault has taken something of a backward step here. I know the car has to appeal to Mr and Mrs Oven-Chip the land over, but the new Grand Scenic’s couture still merits a ‘See Me Afterwards’ at the bottom of the paper.

On board, the dominant feature is a speedometer which, as highlighted by our own GBU, continues to rove the dashboard like a randy mongrel. Only it’s no longer a humble LED speedo (unless you opt for the entry level, Extreme specification), it’s now something called a Thin Film Transistor screen. Incorporating a digital speedometer and a faux analogue rev counter, this Supermarionation-wide screen offers endless vehicle information permutations in a limited choice of colour schemes. It’s clever enough, but I do wish it looked a little snappier.

An adjacent sat nav screen features a new partnership with TomTom. This system, by contrast, looks fine but isn’t clever enough to allow you to hear the bewildering array of dash-bitch voice options (we shunned ‘Mandy’ from the USA in favour of ‘Ken’ from Australia) without having the radio volume turned up simultaneously. A glitch which Renault, despite protestations to the contrary, needs to sort.

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