Top 5 things no Geneva press conference can be without
1 A percentage sales increase - somewhere, anywhere...
2 A sub-100gm/km CO2 rating
3 A car that's 'best in its class' for something eco-friendly
4 If you're a German car maker, use of the word 'fascination'. If Italian, use of the word 'passion'
5 The bit journalists find embarrassing when attendees (ie staff) start clapping
Top 5 concepts
1 Mini Rocketman: so cool, so small, so now
2 Mazda Minagi: small, sexy, frugal, fun
3 Infiniti Etherea: different but for the right reasons
4 Nissan Esflow: the Zed car of 2020
5 Alfa 4C: Alfa outPorsches the Cayman
Top 5 celebrity spots at the Geneva motor show
1 Gwyneth Paltrow on the BMW stand. No sign of Coldplay hubby Chris Martin
2 Frau Joy Wetli, Weight Watchers member of the year 2010 on the Daihatsu stand (seriously)
3 Sabrina Guillod, runner-up Miss Switzerland 2010 chez Seat. So last year dahhling
4 Freddy Nock, tightrope walker on the Ford stand. Uhuh
5 David Bittner, bear biologist also on the Ford stand. Did we miss something?
Top 5 numbers at Geneva
700 The power output in horsepower of the new Lamborghini Aventador V12
6 How many Bugatti Veyrons remain unsold
3,000,000 Number of hybrids sold by Toyota in past 14 years
850 Weight in kilogrammes of the new carbon Alfa 4C. Bellissimo!
€6990 Cost in euros of the Renault Twizy
Mark's top 5 odd press conference moments
1 The Fiat Freemont being hidden under what looked like a giant boil ripe for lancing
2 Vauxhall/Opel design chief Mark Adams presenting the Zafira Tourer in what appeared to be an igloo
3 Fiat again: were those male mannequins standing by the 500 Twinair and the Mephstophele vintage racing car, or just models capable of standing extremely still for a long time?
4 Dr Ulrich Bez of Aston Martin reading his speech from a modern smartphone, while standing on a very old-fashioned box
5 Who was the man sitting in the Mini Rocketman when it was unwrapped, and was he supposed to be there? Or had he been accidentally trapped inside?
Top 5 marketing twaddle
1 Enjoyeering: Seat's take on eco drivetrain in the IBX
2 Aeromotional: what Saab calls its new design language
3 Rocketman: let's just call it the mini Mini, shall we?
4 Jump 2013: Mitsubishi goes OTT with its three-year business plan
5 We are Lotus: yes, we know you are. Stop banging on about it!
Top 5 madcap cars
1 Saab Phoenix: gothic chic meets Swedish sexiness
2 Gumpert Tornante: sleek makeover for brutal Apollo
3 Smart Forspeed: what BMW's i brand should be all about
4 Weissman Spyder: chunky, light and with 400bhp. Wunderbar...
5 BMW Connected Drive: the Z8 my children will lust after
Mark's top 5 things to trip-over on press days - a health and safety primer
1 Video and photographer tripods
2 Unexpected steps on show stands
3 Power and network cables near any media work station
4 Engineers - they tend to hover around the lower extremities of cars taking photos and measuring things without warning
5 Those damned Seat freebie trolley bags that avid presskit and free swag collectors tow absentmindedly around with them