► Greenpeace’s next company car probably not in this list
► Supercars, SUVs and super-lux limos
► Guess who’s top?
Nobody mentioned VW’s Veyron during Dieselgate. Just as well, as it pumps out six times more CO2 than a Polo TDI…
Here’s CAR’s list of the top 10 most polluting cars of 2016. We’ve ranked them all on officially registered CO2 emissions. If you work for Greenpeace, best click to another page now…
1) Bugatti Veyron: 596g/km
Technically the Veyron’s no longer on sale, but we’ve included it because, well, because 596g/km is war crimes at the Hague stuff. And besides, no amount of tinkering is going to have the 2016 Chiron successor pumping out daffodils from its Eurotunnel-sized exhausts.
2) AMG G65: 397g/km
The big G’s turbine-like twin-blown V12 will melt the heart of even the staunchest BMW devotee – and the polar caps in about five minutes if you keep the throttle pinned. Special order only in the UK. Or totally out-of-order when you consider you could run three A-classes and pollute less.
3) Vauxhall VXR8: 373g/km
No wonder the Aussies have got ozone issues when their factories are pumping out CO2 spewers like the VXR8. This Vauxhall-badged Antipodean V8 muscle machine churns out more mess than even the filthiest Lamborghini, and its Maloo ute cousin is only slightly less grubby at 366g/km.
4) Lambo Aventador: 370g/km
Since Bugatti spoiled the top speed war with the Veyron back in 2005, other supercar makers have struggled to many Top Trumps hands. But Lambo’s doing its best to take ownership of CO2 villainy, refusing to succumb to turbos or hybrids, and thus achieving a cloud-inducing 370g/km rating for its big V12 Aventador.
5) Maserati Granturismo MC Stradale: 360g/km
Stradale-ing the line between transportation device and planet earth’s own patio heater, Maser’s hairy hot-rod emits almost as much CO2 as two Porsche 911s. Ordering one in any colour other than black would be entirely inappropriate.
6) Ferrari F12 tdf: 360g/km
Tour de France? Total dirty filthbag, more like. The pimped-up F12 isn’t only lighter, faster and more outrageously styled than the regular Berlinetta, its tweaked V12 can also make twice as many species of insects extinct every time you fire the thing up.
7) Rolls-Royce Phantom: 347g/km
Britain’s idyllic river-bank homes will seem nothing more than an apparition if Rolls doesn’t hurry through its next-gen lightweight vehicle architecture and save some CO2 to cut rising sea levels. But hey, if we’re on our way to our own funeral, we couldn’t think of better car to take us than a Phantom.
8) Bentley Continental GT Speed cabrio: 347g/km
Faster than a Brazilian rainforest logging crew and about as kind to the planet, the hottest Conti is doing its best to Speed up the planet’s demise, though its 2495kg kerbweight is arguably more galling than its CO2 output, given how little room there is inside.
9) Pagani Huayra: 343g/km
It might not have a choke-hold on rival supercars when it comes to being down and dirty but Pagani’s 343g/km is impressive given the company’s modest resources. The secret: drawing on engine partner AMG’s vast experience, though the G65’s 397g/km shows Affalterbach is hoarding the best stuff.
10) Aston V12 Vantage Roadster: 343g/km
This mental V12 roadster doesn’t just let you enjoy the warm air as you drive along the Monegasque coast. Thanks to all those CO2 particles being pumped out in tandem with that incredible soundtrack it’s doing its best to warm the water too in case you fancy a dip.
All CO2 data supplied by Jato Dynamics, all figures correct at time of publishing