Blandness is the biggest design sin of all, argues Ben Whitworth
About 10 years ago, I was handed the keys to my first long-term test car, a Subaru Impreza estate. I called it the Warthog and over its six-month stay, I fell for this turbocharged all-paw oddity in a big way. I couldn’t believe my luck. It was indecently quick, roomy, reliable and ice cool. Cool because its ugliness actually heightened its appeal.
Everyone who climbed aboard castigated the Hog for its stomach-churning looks and porcine visage. But when they got out, its flat-four engine ticking with exertion, they had an inkling as to why I was so besotted with it. It also arrived before the whole Impreza-Evo war got out of hand, before runway-strip rear wings, spine-shattering suspension, pink decals and Howitzer exhaust pipes made them crass and gauche. It had charisma. As had the ugly Impreza models that followed it.
So when Subaru announced that the new Impreza was to be unveiled at the recent New York Motor Show, I got a bit damp-handed. It would have to be something particularly special, given just how good the new Evo X looks. And then they go and pull the wraps off this shocker, a generic blandbox on wheels that’s utterly bereft of the slightest hint of Imprezaism. Why?
Why, after forging its way upstream for so long against the flow of indistinguishable me-too design, has it given up and turned its back on its heritage? Why alienate and insult its incredibly loyal fan base with something so characterless and unworthy of the esteemed Impreza name? Why, when most car companies hang onto their design heritage with white-knuckled tenacity, has Subaru simply binned theirs with a singularly lazy and uninspired bit of design?
I’ve no doubt that the new Impreza’s blown boxer engine, sparkling chassis and intuitive steering will make it a scalpel-sharp driving tool, but a bonnet scoop does not an Impreza make. Just as positioning the ignition lock next to the handbrake doesn’t turn a General Motors cast-off into a Saab. Being pig ugly was one of the Impreza’s endearing characteristics. And being bland is far greater design sin than being ugly.